Rhod Gilbert on BBC Radio Wales.

If you are listening to this, you are listening to Rhod Gilbert's Best Bits, some of the best bits of my Saturday morning radio show, live on BBC Radio Wales. This week, my co-host is Chris Corcoran.

This is Rhod Gilbert live. / No. It is not. / Just ... just about ... / You need to say a different sentence there. / I do need to say a different sentence. / go in and change ... that / This is Rhod Gilbert ... how would you describe me today, Korkey? / Existing. / Right. Existing. / "live" suggests energy and enthusiasm, and we are here to prepare stuff, and we're gonna talk __ you are existing. You are a-live. You are alive. This is Rhod Gilbert alive. / Well, everyone. What a night ! ... I was at the, uh, Wales - England / Yeah. I was there, too. / I don't remember the score. I think we lost. / We did lose. / We, being, uh, Wales / if you are England, congratulations / what was the score? / Well done. Uh ... twenty ... six ... something like that ... / 21-16. / 21-16 / __ __ informed by the, uh, production crew. / Yeah. / Uh, so, unlucky us, if you went to that, and, uh ... / Well done, England. They deserved it. / They did deserve it. Well done, England. ... Can you, uh, tell people what's coming up on the show 'cause I've got to save my voice for a minute. / Well, I can ... I will cover ... / emergency glass of water, cup of coffee. I've got a bag. I've got a heated bag. Can I open this heated bag? ... __ very kind of you, production team. They anticipated this / great radio, this. / they've brought in ... / If you wanna go out, don't. Just stay. Just stop for a minute. / If you are just ... / Listen to Rhod, alive, opening a bag. / If you are just on your way out and you're thinking the show is going nowhere, well, wait a minute. We are about to open an anonymous heated bag that's been left on my desk here, with ... oh, look at that. Oh, look at that. All right. You can go out now. It's a toasted sandwich. / How ... / It's a ham and cheese toasted sandwich. / How has this show not been nominated for Sony (award) ? / That's very ... I don't know. It continues to / ridiculous / (it does) / it's who you know / It is who you know. It's not what you do, because, if / should be / Sony / play a track while you eat a sandwich. If there is one, I'm gonna have it. / 「曲をかけている間にサンドイッチを食べま賞」があってしかるべきだ。

__ __, how are you seizing the day today? We've got a light-hearted gambol through the newspapers. I see today, Korkey, ... rustle rustle __ __ papers / yeah / I see today __ __ you know what's Coronation Street / コロネーション・ストリートというのは ... 説明はいらないか。 / bothering with you / no point. No point. Move on. Move on. / Tracy Barlow / Coronation Street Quiz ! / Tracy Barlow, / Yeah? / Uh ... / Who's she? / a buddy, a Coronation Street buddy / Is that buddy called Tracy Barlow? / Yeah. / Street beauty Kate Ford / says here, in the newspaper / Street beauty Kate Ford ... her home has been wrecked by moths. / I don't believe that. Do you? / Moth? / would you believe that? If you __ an insurance person, right? / お前が保険屋だとして、こんな話信用するか？ / Saturday morning, __ __ __ __ / backlog of insurance claims on your desk / yeah / and you see this / hang on a minute. I know that name. That's, uh ... Tracy Barlow. / Off the telly. / Off Coronation Street. / Yeah. / that's __ ... that's __ Street beauty / Yes. / Right? / and it says / claim ... so and so / House Wrecked / "House Wrecked" it says / wrecked / how / this happen now? ... Oh, moths / ほほう、自宅が蛾に襲撃されて壊滅したと / would you believe ... would you go for that? / I'd be taken by surprise / unusual / 8 10 12 / text / tweet / rhodgilbertshow / wrecked by moths / they're pretty aggressive, aren't they, though? Moths. They, kind of, go for stuff, don't they? like, go for light bulbs and things / you know / imagine / I've never seen them / yeah. They're kinda g__ / about / actually go for / bang their heads against / wasps / yeah / yeah / just / I take it back. / it's accidental when they clash into a light bulb, isn't it? / think / the moon / Is that true, that they think that it is the moon? I read that somwhere / 蛾は電球を月だと思っているというのは本当か？ / yeah / Is it? / Yeah. / What do they think the moon is, then? / じゃあ月のことは何だと思ってるんだよ？ / ... Well, they use it ... they use it for direction, don't they? They're trying to get ... / What's the point of using something for direction and running into it? I would use something else. / Well, / miles away / for millions of years / direction / like sailors / if you've been using / something for millions of years for direction, / yeah / which you've been contantly bumping into, wouldn't you think / " __ __ use something else __ __ " / this is just not working. / あるモノを頼りに自分の進む方向を決めてきたとしよう。何百万年も。ところがしょっちゅうそのモノに頭をぶつける。ならばそのモノに頼るのは間違いではないか、何か別のモノに頼ったほうがいいのではないか、と思うのが普通だ。/ No, but it's not million years. That's the problem. It's only, like / last / last hundred years / 電球は何百万年もあったわけじゃないから。 / before that / millions of years of looking at the moon, / 電球が発明されたのはほんの百年前だよ。それまで何百万年もの間、蛾は本物の月だけを気にしていればよかった。そこへいきなり電球が、第二の月が現れた。まだ適応しきれてないんだよ。 / and then, all of a sudden / the other moon / dunking their heads / oil lamps / yeah, but ... / that was the moon / before that / would have been fire / yes / moths / let's face it / hard time since we invented any kind of light source. / 電球の前には石油ランプがあったし、その前には焚き火があった。およそ人間が光源らしきものを使い出してから悠久の時が流れている。蛾はその間ずっと、それらの火に飛び込んできた。奴らは永遠に適応しないのか。 / yeah. ... They're not clever / aren't they? / they're not the cleverest of animals, moths. / 蛾はアホだから。生物界でもアホなほうだよ。 / Tracy Barlow / しかし見事にトレーシー・バーロウの裏をかいたじゃないか / Look at them / accidentally / "Insects invaded" it says / that suggests organization / Invaded. / only ants and wasps can invade. ... And bees. / Yeah. ... And countries. ... Other nations __ __ / well, humans / Yeah. Humans. That's what I was thinking. Yeah. That's the one. So, I was trying to think / ants / bees and humans / insects have invaded her house / yeah / it says / they've eaten the carpets. All of them / surprise me / they're moths / All of it. The lot. / Yeah / __ __ __ __ pretty angry / I would have ... / it is the winter / I would have stopped them before __ __ whole ... all the carpets / would you? / she was probably away. ... Was she away? / could / away / filming, probably. / Probably. / Uh ... or maybe / hair-dresser's / nice hair / good-looking one / Street beauty / she's a Street beauty / carpets / destroyed / wardrobe of designer clothes / yeah / they always go for / tasty ones, see? / and then, uh ... / fine clothes / it's like fine wine / I've never heard of that / house / ruined by moth? / No. It's the first time I've ever heard of that. / heard of it / let's / only feature I've got / let you know / if their house has been eaten by moths. That's it. / OK.

Flowers. Have you heard this? / What? / I'm having a light-hearted ... you are ... you, my friend. / コーキーよ、お前は / may be, may be / interest / in rugby / reading the ... reading the sport pages / Yes. / I, however, am trawling the newspapers in a light-hearted way, having a gambol through the newspapers for entertaining snippets / Huh, well done. / How about this? / ... Yes? / How about this? / Flowers? Go on. / Supermarkets ... / Yeah / ... are being warned not to put daffodils ... / __ / ... near the fruit and veg section. / Huh. I know why. / Huh. Now then, why? / 'cause it makes the ... makes the fruit ripen. / No, it doesn't, mate. / Doesn't it? / I don't think so. / All right. __ __ __ guess / if / buttercups / like butter / I'm thinking / something does, yeah, like, if / banana / something like that / to do with / good feature / this is sounding good. What makes something ripen? / Feature 1 ... / Yes? / I've forgotten it. / Ah, __ / Feature 2 ... Feature 2 is something to do with bananas, isn't it? About ripening / don't just say / don't text me and go, "Yeah, they ripen." / we know that / And don't say / put them in the fridge because we know that / next to the bananas / makes / something about bananas ripening something else / next to other / flora or fauna / Yeah. ... What is it / if you look at / banana / your age / no, that's not right. ... __, is it? / if you look at the banana / that is wrong / That's terrible, that is / what / ripen you? You mean, bananas ripen human? / Yeah / ripen everything. I think you / in a room constantly, you age faster. / バナナはあらゆるものの熟成を早める。部屋にずっとバナナを置いておくと、人間は早く歳をとる。 / Yeah? / I think so. / Well, that's a real revelation __ __ humanity, mate. / Anyway, something like that. It's not that anyway. / how many bananas / in your house? / do you know what / do you? This is good radio. Do you? How many bananas do you have? / I revelate / ladies and gentlemen, I've started keeping bananas / like pets? / like pigeon? / like pets / in a bowl / in the old days, I would have / just / end of it / Well, most people / pretty much ... pretty much / no / I keep / top / do you? / Yeah. / Do you have a system? Do you like having / have an order of them / do you know what I mean? / least ripen__ / on the top / from the bottom / like a vending machine for bananas, / without the vending machine / banana vendor / you know what I mean, though? / in order / I understand what you are saying, yeah / random / you / bowl / pick and choose / ... Yeah. / Of course. Of course that's what I do. / bowl / of course / judge them on their brownness / I just judge them on their brownness / all I can / Banana feature / バナナというお題で出し尽くそうと思って / I wish / now then, flowers / you're wrong anyway. / what / ripening / oh yeah / I / daffodils / ripen fruits / bananas / you're thinking of / feature / maybe bananas ripen / no / just do this feature / we've done / bananas / I wish I knew what it was. Uh ... I can't stop thinking about it. / Just read stuff. Just read words. / OK / involved / supermarkets are being warned / daffodil__ near the fruits and veg racks / come on, you've got ... have another guess. Hava another guess / daffodil quiz / it / daffodil quiz / Daffodil Quiz ! / daffodil quiz / All right. ... Because people might / think / flowers / health council / No. / OK. Um ... because people might think they're fruit / buy / kids might eat them / is that / I wish I hadn't done that / my voice is killing me. / really bad winning sound / why don't you make a chimp noise? / I do that / wrong / No. You are bang on. / exactly. That's was a noise / bang on / Thanks. / People, apparently, / yeah? / Uh ... Public Health England / ridiculous / issued an alert," it says here / Public Health England / issued an alert / it says here / Sun / because people ... um ... / non-speaking ... non-English speaking customers ... / Shut up. That's not / are / or toddlers / if you put them near the food ... It's true. ... Don't you dare laugh ... at this. It's Public Health England. / that's ridiculous / It's not. ... They've said / man / mistake / spring onions / Oh, really? ... Oh, I see, uh, OK / before they go all big yellow / Millennium Stadium / big ... you know, big ... horns / Yeah. Don't walk down the street with one of those daffodil hats / non-English / chunk out of your head / head / "Take a look at this. Look at this wandering vegetable."

Now, "moths" / says here / other feature / moths / your house / bananas ripening things / maybe / get through this massive pile of emails in no time. You watch. / Yeah ... bananas / something about ripening / Featue 2 / what / tomato, isn't it? / don't put tomatos in a fruit bowl / No / I think that's a perfectly good __ / we / T-shirts, mate / I think that's a pefectly reasonalbe thing to say ... "Don't put tomato / go / kids / fruit bowl / as you were / じっとしてろ / back to your Minecraft / Back to your Mine ... / is that a thing? / is it? / Yeah. / I don't understand __ / is it topical? / yeah / Sounds like an old one / It is. But it's got new life in it / all / like / all the kids are into it. / all I know / about youth culture / yeah / moths / says here / Matt E__ / this is __ moths / in your house / feature / clothes / in the fridge / a good point, actually / unless you / food / come on. / but why don't moths eat food? / Well, / food to them / lot of problems / 蛾についてはわからないことだらけだ / in moth today. A: What / moon is / everything else / light bulbs / moon / what do they think the moon is? / why / worst guidance system in the world / they didn't know that people / gonna develop mini-moons / satnav / end / narrow alleys / satnav / river once in Cardiff / you need to listen to it / takes down / gate / imperfect. But it doesn't bump / probably go, "Do you know what? I'm gonna get rid of / satnav / which / all the time / I think / hard to judge / by human standards, mate / I do / I've got / Moths ... why don't they eat food? / I've just explained. It is food to them. / What? Clothes? / Cotton. Yeah. / any nutrition from cotton / must be able to / otherwise / reckon / shirt / Well, presumably, yeah. / I don't believe that. / must be / a little bit of shirt / a little bit of trousers / a bit of pants / a bit of pants / pants would be dessert, wouldn't they? / maybe in your head / dessert / play a record. __ __ disgusting. "Oh, yeah, pants ... mmmmm ... " / compared to jeans. Jeans / main course, I was thinking / thinner material / pants / dessert in my mind / I often / get mixed up / bring through the underwear trolley

Hi Rhod and Korkey / feature / about moths / has a moth ever / in your house / more interested in / why / enough nutrition by eating clothes / moth / B / pants / what order / do they / you know / have / different / different food groups / I don't think / mate / moth / they might / if I / moth / establish / underpants / I would have said. Just thinner cotton / say / either a starter, or possibly / side / like a naan / I may be a bit tired. / I can see them as / naan / that's what they are / little / little / Hi, Rhod and Korkey / Hi Rhod and Korkey / now then / this / ladies / something ... something rattling around in the ... in the outskirts, the b__, the suburbs of our minds. / Nice sentence / Thank you. / that's really good, that. / something rattling / around the suburbs of our minds, about bananas ripening other things / there is / like, ... I / I / the theory / room, you age quicker / Yeah. ... But that's like an entrant idea to people / ideas / just / jot that down, everybody. Entrant idea. ... "Hi Rhod and Korkey / put banana in / know / I don't believe this. ... " ... put banana in a brown bag / underripe avocado / to ripen it / is that what this is / not / suburbs of my mind / well / but that might be the answer / no mistake / avocado / banana / in a brown bag in there / let's just ... let's skip to the end of the show. / they might / Hey, I've got an idea. why don't we get listeners to do it? / listener / you / get off Minecraft / two listeners / you / go to the supermarket / go anywhere / don't eat / d__ / For goodness sake / straight / Rhod / make sure / English-speaking listener / English-speaking listener / you don't wanna / don't go eating flowers / f__y flower ... flower-eating foreigners / so easy to make / Paris / I don't speak brilliant French / Spain / so tempted to eat gladiola__ / dozen / South Africa once ... __ even ... I shouldn't even, uh ... / roundabout nearby / disoriented / in / different culture, aren't you? / 異文化の中にいると方向感覚があやしくなる / where a shop starts when you are abroad / 外国のスーパーって、どこからが店なんだかわからないんだよ / Hi Rhod and Korkey / no / I might / "No" is the answer / __'s dad / "Hi Rhod and Korkey / do / remember / correct way / I don't remember that / I've got no idea / talking about / banana / from the / monkeys / do / apparently / write / write a song / second half / the show / like / monkeys / first / banana / second one / a bit fruity

I hate to say, Rhod, uh, but / do / sound like this / I don't / something ... I've got a sour voice today / big rings / eyes / wearing goggles / during that track / I said / online / eyes / you got all upset / coffee and water / Kate M__ says / look / another one. ... See? / I don't think / feature / sound like this / No. This is Feature 2 / what's that thing / something about / that's the Feature 2 / which is / bizarrely / taken off / yes / avocado / maybe that's the thing, then / don't / ring / me / ring / me / 200% response so far / yeah / must be another thing / either of our bells / maybe / unless our bells are wrong / Rhod / bananas help avocados ripen. / There you go. / "help" is a very subjective word, there / 「助ける」か。どうにでも解釈できるな。 / don't / depends / ripening / dying, effectively. / That's true. / Innit? / Yeah ... yeah / helping / human's perspective / helping / a__ wants / rush on / little life / helps / only ask / once / do you like __ __ __ knife / on the knife / cool swoop / uh ... nearly. / do you / think / if you / currently / tell you what I do / I stick / Oh, don't do that, you idiot. Don't prod / pointy knife bit into the stone / you're crazy / stone pops out / coffee to cope with this / done / I know / really stupid thing to do / why don't you __ a small child / five yards away / throw / stupid joke / stupid ... just a bit of fun / just / avocado on / kitchen / wriggle / that's fine / do / touch / don't touch avocados / don't drink / said earlier / don't / leave it / that's what

"Morning, boys" / Morning. / loser / back / bananas ripen fruit / here we go / because they release / chemical / helps them soften / and he's a chemist / like / Wales / uh ... on a related topic / hey, look at this / Huh huh. / somebody else says here / bananas release / other stuff around them / my theory / room / age quicker / enough bananas in a room / age quicker / is looking at me / on our face / I knew / do it / saying something preposterous / then you go / hang on a minute / maybe / something / producers / follow stuff up like that / can / this experiment / bag / can you, like ... I don't know / let's / kids / next / leave the other one / different room / twins / perfect / identical twins / one / identical / forever / yeah / banana / becoming / identical / aging / proper science / that is proper science / Hugh / everyone, sit down / listen to this / did you know / juice / can digest meat / meat-eaters / hang on a minute. This is ... / never / pineapple / for / I've never seen that / a slice of / of / seen / have you? / seen that / like pork / I / believe / that / you're wrong. You're wrong, mate / apparently / daffodils / all right / they love it / public / incidents / quite serious / just sounded funny / it did sound funny / people eat / poisonous, aren't they / low-level way / must / toxic / said / one second ago / 63 patients have suffered toxic symptoms / that's no joke / take / back / wow / don't eat daffodils / yeah / mind you, / yeah? / just / don't they / restaurant / moths / says here / uh / moths / proper munch on my wool carpet / feels like / constant war / with / moth / says / full of, like / symbols / no / one of those twitter names / you know / Huh, OK. / anyway / talking / this / everything / talking about / A / B: fruit / stuff like that / says here / fruit / did you know this? Have you ever / meat-eater / pineapple / sounds / good story. / pay off / I don't know / bottom of it / excited / Uh ... OK. / so / she / Devon / but a bit confusing / funny / already confused / fundamentally, nothing wrong / nothing newsworthy so far / self-service till / she went to purchase / melon and grapes / very popular / lunch racks / melon / grapes / till / says / you need / ID / light / she / said / need be over 18 / human / ridiculous / pay / off / local shop / security tag / process the purchase / they said, uh / fruit can be, uh ... / alcohol / I've ever / not / says / ferment / wine / become alcoholic / is that / is that generally true? / buy / 18 歳未満はメロンを買えない / ridiculous / so ridiculous / bad / sure / you could actually / grape / so full of alcohol / no / I was drinking / big difference / but / would you believe / buy / I think / on the spot / true / buy a melon / no / Sony / where is our Sony? / in the bag / joke for you / thinking / still in hospital / spring / I am so hangover / I'm quite amused by that. / 二日酔い過ぎて、こんなのでも笑える

that / whole / live / 11 till 1.

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